Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
