somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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