That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
