YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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