oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
