I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
