do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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