Can Purell be used as lube?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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