Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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