My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
