So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
