I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
two words...techno handjob
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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