Can i not drive my cunt home
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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