That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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