apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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