So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've blown a few things in my day
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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