life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
