JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
