i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
