im having a threesome with these popsicles
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
