you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
