i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
