Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're a waste of cheezeits
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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