I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
