i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
