i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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