i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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