Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
