she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
