do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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