Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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