I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
