either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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