I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
