im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
