Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jerry, you need to find god
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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