tonight lets celebrate not being married
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
