youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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