New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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