mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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