Banned from zoo.
Again?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
