And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
