I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we should paint friendship bongs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
