Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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