you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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