I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
