if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
