I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
