There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
