Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
