I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
